What to say when you feel vulnerable after a difficult discussion with your partner

Posted on in Mindset by Stephanie Coady

relationship counselling fredericton

What to say when you feel vulnerable after a difficult discussion with your partner

This is something I speak to a lot of folks about!

It is not the rupture (fight) that drives relationships apart, it is the lack of repair (coming together).

We can be left feeling worse or trying to navigate coming back together again. How can we come back to speak about what happened and feel closer again? This can apply to all types of relationships – romantic or platonic.

The Aftermath of a Fight

If this is your first time using The Aftermath of a Fight exercise, start by asking yourself the following questions.

  1. Am I ready to process this regrettable incident? According to Julie Gottman, “processing” means that you can talk about the incident without getting back into it again.
  2. Have my emotions been calm today and can I have a calm conversation about this incident? It’s helpful to think of watching this incident on your TV. This can help create some emotional distance necessary to discuss what occurred.
  3. Am I willing to seek to understand my partner’s experience of the event and validate that each of our emotional realities are legitimate? Hint: Don’t focus on “the facts.”
  4. Am I willing to speak from my experience without trying to persuade my partner?
  5. Am I willing to ATTUNE to my partner’s feelings and what the event meant to them?
  6. Are we in a distraction-free space where we can be fully present with each other?

For more reading on this topic, check out: https://www.gottman.com/blog/how-we-used-the-aftermath-of-a-fight-to-repair-our-relationship/

Images courtesy of Dr. Morgan Cutlip

 

I’m Stephanie Coady (she/her/hers), a Licensed Counselling Therapist-Candidate (LCT-C) with the College of Counselling Therapists of New Brunswick (CCTNB) and a Canadian Certified Counsellor (C.C.C) with the Canadian Counselling and Psychotherapy Association (CCPA). I’m a lifelong Frederictonian; completing my Bachelor of Arts at the University of New Brunswick and my Masters of Education at the University of New Brunswick in Counselling Psychology.